Years ago I read an adage that said, “do not begrudge getting older…it is a privilege denied to many.” I’ve tried to always keep that in mind and stop looking at birthdays as an unavoidable march to old age. I’m 37 years old. Thank God, I am 37!
Each year brings new blessings and as other adages proclaim: wisdom, patience and appreciation.
Had you asked me 10 or 15 years ago where I’d be at 37, I am certain my answers would be nowhere near today’s reality. I’d never have known the heartache and the profound happiness that was in store for me. In talking with a dear friend today, she reminded me I was blessed—likely because she knew I knew I was and wanted to beat me to my overused statement. “Spoiled,” I replied but followed that with the idea that if you know it and exhibit gratitude for it, in some way you can accept an undeserved life.
I usually take the day off from work to celebrate my special day. Last year Miss Connie and I spent the day together and I remember the joy of just holding her with no concern of anything outside our time together. This year, I worked—another blessing; I have a wonderful job, work with and for great people. I look forward to celebrating with my family and friends this week in different ways, but mostly I am honored to be able to celebrate as a mother, another blessing denied to many.
Of course, it has occurred to me a few dozen times leading up to this day that I should be a mother of two and holding an infant, my James, as I watch over Miss Connie. Should? No, not ‘should’. I have to remind myself that my plans are not the plans that matter and only God knows what should be… but it’s hard to not reflect on everything that has transpired over this last year. I’m grateful for the tremendous blessings and I have accepted our loss, but I have not done so without some wishful thoughts and regret. Oh, how it could be…
Oh, how it will be… As I start my 37th year of life I know God has great plans for me and my family. I’ve already received gifts in various shapes and forms and know there are more to come. I woke to my baby girl by my side, a rare treat. I witnessed both a snowfall and lovely sunshine. I had both my Connie’s with me today as my mother watched my daughter. I received messages from family, friends and acquaintances that took the time to wish me the best—some touched me so deeply and propel me to want to be the best I can be, today and always. I listened to Christmas music and joyfully sang along. My father visited bearing gifts. I make a delicious dinner: Bear Vale beef roast, sweet potatoes, broccoli, carrots. My father in law called and sang “happy birthday” to me. It was a good day.
I made Cody and Connie take photos with me to just to have photos from my 37th birthday–every day photos with no special considerations. Just us. My husband said my present was him shaving. After growing out is beard for the past month or better, he trimmed up ‘pork chops’ and the neckline. I’m still adjusting. 🙂
Thank you to those who sent messages. It is appreciated.