Vaccination

October 21, 2015October 21, 2015 / BearVale / 4 Comments

In the 6-month update, I indicated I would have a separate post about our vaccination experience. I know I could start a debate here. The topic of vaccinations and the pro/con arguments can be as hot as the gun issue for some. I’m not looking to debate. This is simply my stance. At the core of my rationale is 1) the health, safety and opportunity for my daughter (nothing supersedes her well-being), 2) my own research/reading/evaluating/analyzing, and 3) my lack of confidence in our governed systems (call me a hippy, but pharma = business, vaccinations = profits). I don’t reach this position easily, or without worry, guilt or fear.

As a parent you want nothing but the very best for your child. Choosing to be pro, anti, semi-pro, or semi-anti vaccine is not reached by ignorant opinion, misguided faith, or social pressures. Those parents who choose to administer all vaccinations, they love their child and want the best for them. Those parents who choose to administer some vaccinations, they love their child and want the best for them. Those parents who choose to administer no vaccinations, they love their child and want the best for them. Without any doubt, what ever the decision by the parent is, they make it with the best of intentions.

As her 6-month check-up approached, we discussed whether or not we would vaccinate. I knew I would not administer anything prior to 6 months, but if I could stretch it out to 1 year, all the better! By the standard schedule, by 6 months of age, infants receive up to 18 vaccinations/boosters; the Dr. Sears schedule is a less aggressive option, but that would still be injecting her with 10 vaccinations over her young 6 month lifespan. When I was her age, it was just five, and they were spaced out over a couple of months. On the docket for consideration at her 6 month check up was HepB, RV, DTaP, Hib, PCV, IPV, and the flu shot. Makes my head spin.

Let’s back up for a moment. The research, the consideration, the evaluation….it all began before she was born. We ruled out all vaccinations and interventions at birth. No HepB, no Vitamin K, and we even said no to eye ointment, a pacifier, and sugar-water or formula. Her 2 month check up arrived (June) and then the 4th month (August) … during these, both schedules called for vaccinations. We opted for none. I am grateful that we have a facility that understands our concerns and supports our desires. Of course, they would like for us to follow the standard, or Dr. Sears, schedule but they do not push it. They provide us with their insight and education and leave the decision to me. At all visits we are simply asked, “Will we be updating her vaccinations today?”

On her half-year birthday, Miss Connie received her first vaccination. We opted for the DTaP shot. I weighed this heavily. My research on this vaccination revealed that the ingredients within include formaldehyde and aluminum. I don’t know about you, but the idea of willingly injecting these poisons into my child scared me.

Cody encouraged the vaccination. Yes, my husband. The same guy many of you may have seen sharing “anti-vaccination” articles and statements on Facebook. He is braver than I. He owns his position and puts it out there for persecution. I am more reserved in what I post to my Facebook wall, as well as my position on vaccines. While we both share concerns about the quantity and frequency of the current vaccination schedule, I am almost (almost) convinced we could survive in our own little world without them at all. Cody, not as much. He believes some are necessary.

We opted for the DTaP shot because of the P in DTaP—Pertussis, a.k.a whooping cough. This is a concern with infants, especially with cold and flu season approaching. While I don’t think I would have been able to miss or ignore the symptoms of P, I do want to shield her from unnecessary illness or hospitalization.

In the waiting room of the clinic, waiting to be called back.

This did not make it any easier for me. I was emotional. It weighed heavily on me that entire morning as I prepared to head to the clinic. Within my vehicle, I turned the radio off and prayed out loud for almost the entire duration of the 30+ minute drive. I prayed for her health and happiness. That the immunization would do as it was intended. That she would not suffer any side effects that would alter her disposition, ability, intelligence, spirit, or mobility. I prayed over and over for these things.

During the visit the nurse asked the usual question, “will we be updating her vaccinations.” I hesitated. I could hardly choke out the word “yes” and quickly followed it up with “just one, just the DTap.” There was a combo option, DTaP and polio with something else…. no, just the DTaP which is already a mixed and a multi-vaccination concoction. When the time came for the shot, she asked if I had a preference of which leg. “Neither,” was my answer, followed by, “it doesn’t matter.” I held her in my lap, I held her close, and I prayed again. I fought back my anxiety and tears. I flinched at the action of the needle moving toward her. As the needle stuck her, a tear fell and with her wail, many more followed. I tried to soother her as my heart broke. For some, this must seem borderline crazy or dramatic. I don’t consider myself to fall into these categories with any frequency, but that morning, I did wonder if the nurse thought I should be medicated myself. I am sure I am not the only nervous mother. She is my baby. My perfect, sweet, loving, smart baby. Any decision I make with good intentions, I would not want to alter her in any way. The nurse departed, I got Connie dressed and pulled myself together. A bit of relief came that it was over, but much still lingered as I concerned myself with any side effects.

5 days post vaccine, that smile remains, of which I would be lost without

She was her normal happy self when we returned home. At 10:30 am the nanny arrived. They played for a while and I could hear her babbling. She had lunch around 11:30 a.m. and then napped. She woke after about an hour, then went back down almost immediately after fussing and taking in 3 ounces. She fussed a bit in the crib, the nanny soothed her, and she was back out. She slept nearly 3 hours. An effect of the vaccination, or just tired? I don’t know (it is very unusual for her to sleep that long during the day). I do know I worried the entire day watching for anything “off”. She sailed through the rest of the day in good spirits following her long nap. Her over night sleep pattern was normal and I felt further relieved. The day after she also seemed her normal self aside from some slight fussiness and what might be another tooth coming in. We are now two days post vaccine and everything seems OK.

With a Google search, you can find several resources that will tell you vaccinations are 100% safe, that they do not cause injury, and that they are necessary. You can also find thousands of groups and individuals sharing their personal beliefs and fears of over immunization, raising awareness of the chemicals, poisons, and preservatives included in vaccine cocktails, and you’ll find countless people who wish to not vaccinate their children. There are always two sides for every case. I have not ruled out vaccinating my child. I have decided however to be diligent in researching and evaluating the various vaccinations and coming to decisions I can live with. We will forego many of the recommended shots. Others we will get. As her parents, who hold her health and welfare paramount, we reserve that right. With states like California and Mississippi mandating vaccinations, I wonder how long we will have that right.

You do what is best for you and yours. I will do the same.

6 Months

October 14, 2015June 18, 2018 / BearVale / 2 Comments

SIX MONTHS! A half-year gone by. She is becoming a little person before our eyes. It’s a fun age and I know these next six months are going to be exciting as she continues to learn new skills and gain independence. Not too independent, however.

She enjoys books/story time, baths, being sung to, and being outside. She is a chatter box also, discovering new sounds to make and “talking” with us and the nanny for periods at a time. In the past month, she has really taken interest in the dogs and now that she can crawl, finds her way to them. They are good with her, but her slug-like approach and small hand grabbing at their paws makes them nervous. Once she reaches them, they usually get up and find a new location to lay down. She’s not yet sitting up on her own, but is getting there; does very well in her Bumbo seat.

We continue to hear “she smiles so much,” “she’s such a happy baby,” and “is she ever not smiling?” often when we are out and about. Even during her visit today with the nurse and doctor, she shared many smiles with them and they seemed impressed with her disposition. She is a happy girl. I pray she is always as content and finds many reasons each day to smile (especially in her teenage years!).

Today she had her 6-month wellness check-up so we have new measurements and items to report on her growth and development.

Weight: 16 lbs 8 oz (8-ounce increase over the past month). This puts her in the 59th percentile. So compared to her height, she is lean.

Height: 28.5″ (2.5″ increase? I think the tissue paper on the patient table causes an error, she also did not want to sit still for this measurement—regardless, she is 100%+, off the charts for height)

Head: 17″; 77%

Eyes: The outside ring is blue/grey. The inside appears to be a green/brown. The pediatrician said she will have brown eyes, that they are 2/3 brown now and that brown eyed babies change more slowly and tend to look “muddy” until the color forms. Time will tell. Per “the experts” eye color will be determined by 9 months of age.

Hair: Filling in and lengthening ever so slightly. Remains a brunette, but getting lighter.

Eats: We continue to nurse often. I am also pumping to provide milk for her and get my production up. (You can read about my lactation issues here.) Organic rice cereal, banana, avocado, and peas are staples on the menu. I have sweet potatoes to process and will be freezing for future use. I am happy to have found Thrive Market which provides me with a plethora of organic options for her. We can get Earth Brand organic baby cereal and baby food as well as soaps and overnight diapers free of chemicals. And shipping is free and the costs are the same or less than that at the co-op. Selection is huge as well. I’m a fan!

Teeth: A new category to track! TWO! The first came through without much fuss or notice. The second one gave us three days of sleeplessness and neediness and one day of bottom rash. All in all, she handled it well. We encouraged the use of teethers and introduced frozen washcloths. I also purchased an amber necklace for her and a teething necklace for me to wear. Upon examination of her mouth today, the pediatrician said that the top teeth are working their way in now.

Transportation: She is Army crawling (pulling with her forearms and pushing off with her right foot) everywhere. She can go great distances, turn in any direction and has now learned to crawl toward someone when she wants to be picked up. She gets up on her hands and knees frequently and rocks back and forth. During the exam today, the Doc went to place her on her belly, she immediately positioned her hand and knees under her and maintained that position. He looked at me and asked, “what’s this, is this new?” Nope. She’s been on hands and knees and rocking for a while now. He said that she is ahead of schedule / advanced in this area.

Vaccinations: 1. Today we administered the DTaP. This is her first and only vaccine received to date. It was a hard decision to make and an emotional experience (for me). I’ll do a separate post on this topic…

Here are her 6-month photos. It was a rush job as the sun was setting and I was too lazy to pull out the lighting equipment. Thankfully Grandma Connie was here to help out. Planning to do more soon to capture the gorgeous fall colors. Grandpa Carl and Grandma Darcy, thank you for the JD onesie — still some room to grow into it!

Lactation

October 3, 2015October 2, 2015 / BearVale / 5 Comments

I was inspired to write this post as sat here, attached to my breast pump. It’s like being a cow, truly. Attaching my poor boobs to a sucking, pinching, noisy machine and hoping to collect a few ounces of milk is not at all glamorous. I really didn’t know my nipple could stretch so far. It, like so many other parts of my post-pregnancy, post-birth, and post-breastfeeding body, will never be the same. :-))

When I was pregnant my greatest hope behind a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby was the ability to breastfeed. I really wanted to nurse my baby. I also wanted a vaginal birth, which I had, but would have opted for C-section if I had to choose between that and not nursing.

Within her first hour of life outside the womb, she initiated feeding. The moment she latched was as amazing as the moment she was placed in my arms for the first time. I was so grateful that she knew exactly what to do and that she latched perfectly. I was nourishing my baby and it was an awesome feeling. And that feeling and the ease of breastfeeding has continued. My sister couldn’t believe that I did not suffer with sore, cracked, or chapped nipples. Miss Connie was a god latcher. Never any pain, it was easy.

My goal is to nurse through her first year, providing her with valuable vitamins, building her immunity, and strengthening her mind and body. We are nearly half way through that first year.

During my conference in July, I pumped and fed as I was able, but work commitments limited the amount of time I had for both. I was away from her in August for three days and had to pump exclusively during that time. I collected 70 ounces during those three days and since I have felt as though she may not be getting enough from me.

We started introducing solid foods over the past month consistently. She usually has organic baby cereal, banana and/or avocado for lunch and sometimes again at dinner time. We also supplement with a bottle at night before bed to ensure she has a satisfied tummy. She’s putting on weight and is pretty content, so I know she is getting enough.

She continues to sleep well for us and I feel that in large part my supply may feel “less” due to the fact that overnight she may sleep for 4-7 hours and during that time, there is no demand for milk, thus reducing production.

I haven’t pumped consistently since July and other than my trip to Chicago, haven’t been able to add to our frozen milk supply (the supply that I had built up was nearly wiped out to cover my days away from her). I currently sit with a frozen milk account balance of approximately 68 ounces. I want more!

I have been taking a Fenugreek supplement and drinking Mother’s Milk tea to help with production—also enjoying a beer or two here and there as that is another lactation helper. I’ve decided however, if I am going to build my stash, or at least just keep up with my daughter I need to focus on lactation!

I found a recipe for lactation cookies and went out and bought brewer’s yeast. I read various reviews about the benefits and successes of lactation cookies and found an article that said they are more potent in the raw dough form than when baked. So with the supportive help of my husband, we whipped up a batch of lactation dough!
I’m going to be more on-purpose about the Fenugreek supplements. One per day won’t make much of an impact, I need up to 4 per day.
While at the co-op, I found another herbal aid and will be trying that too.
I need more water. Hydration is so important. After I finish my 2-4 cups of tea per day, I am weak at getting water in my system. Drink up, Lori!
I need to pump! Even if I just nursed her, even if I don’t think there is anything in there…pump! The more I demand, the more I produce…. at least that is the logic of breastfeeding. Pumping in the middle of the night, too. That one will be tough…. I’ll have to give up sleep, sleep my sweet daughter spoils me with.

Any current or former nursing mamas out there have any tips for me?

I am already familiar with the “lactation-friendly” foods such as oatmeal, salmon, brown rice, seeds, almonds, etc. I have a list of these foods and try to incorporate them into meal planning. I also get good fat intake with avocados and coconut oil.

In the time it took my to write this, I managed to collect one ounce of milk. Now I did just nurse not too long ago, and I do feel that this pump is nowhere as effective as my daughter at expelling… but still…ugh. Put this cow back to pasture, she’s been milked!

Here’s to a healthy flow!

Photo credit: Rachel Manzke Photography. Nursing my babe during our family photo shoot.

2015 Family Photos

October 2, 2015October 2, 2015 / BearVale / 2 Comments

Each year the wonderful Rachel Manzke Photography family comes to my place for family photos. Rachel, correct me if I am wrong, but I think we have been doing this for the past 5 years now? Even before I had a “family” of my own, Rachel and her’s would allow me to photograph them and in turn, she took images of me with my dogs and horses. When Cody and I began dating, we had annual “couple” photos. And now, this annual session captures our new little family.

Rachel’s family, Team Giblin, resides in Sun Prairie. They love the convenience of being in a larger town and take advantage of Madison activities. When it comes to our annual photo event, however, Rachel prefers the country backdrops we have to offer. I am grateful they choose our home and make the trip each year.

This year we created a new flow for the session and moved the session to later in the day which also allowed us to enjoy dinner together while the image files downloaded to our respective computers.

Thank you, Rachel. Even though we did not have any fall color this year, we did have a beautiful day and I love these images!

Check out more of Rachel’s work at http://www.rachelmanzke.com/.

“Crawling”

October 1, 2015October 2, 2015 / BearVale / Leave a comment

For the past couple of weeks, our baby girl has been working on “crawling,” becoming more independent and discovering her ability to move toward objects. While not yet crawling on her hands and knees, she does so well to drag herself along and push with her toes. It’s so fun to watch her make new discoveries. A couple videos and proof that she does get up on her hands and knees. She does this often. All too soon she will be tearing around this house!

September Photo Dump

October 1, 2015October 2, 2015 / BearVale / Leave a comment

September was a great month… Labor Day weekend at the lake and river, Richland County Fair with Connie’s cousins, the start of football season, experimenting with food, and meeting new friends. Complete update in a couple weeks with Miss Connie’s 6-month post.

First Market Offering

September 15, 2015September 15, 2015 / BearVale / 3 Comments

We began our grass-fed beef operation in 2013 and this past month were able to offer our local market the option to buy. We excepted family orders first and then opened it up to the public. I was excited at how quickly we not only filled this order, but also the next order for November. There is definite interest and even those unable to buy this time around shared their appreciation for future availability of grass-fed beef.

With this first order, we are also excited to proclaim that our beef distribution is national! We will be sending orders to California and Florida! To non-family members! 🙂

Three steers head in this week, and as has been the case each and every time I have sent cattle off for processing, I will cry. Regardless of people telling me to not get attached, I do. I work to earn the trust of our herd, give them treats (apples), and bestow them with names. This week I have to say goodbye to Charlie, Clay, and Claude. It will not be easy. But I find peace in the knowledge that we provided them with a good life. Our methods ensure they get to graze and roam, naturally. These same methods also allow them to live longer lives than they would elsewhere. And finally, I know we gave them a better life than they likely would have had. They were loved, and their sacrifice is appreciated.

Now for those I haven’t turn vegetarian with my sappy reflection…..We have just one quarter remaining for our November order–let me know if you’re interested!

Here are some random pics of the herd:

5 Months

September 14, 2015June 18, 2018 / BearVale / Leave a comment

Shortly after her 4-month mark, Miss Connie outgrew her bassinet. We replaced the bassinet with the pack and play, keeping her in our room, but giving her more room. She tends to roll and wrestle around a bit in her sleep. In the past week or so, I’ve been putting her down in her crib at night. She takes her daytime naps in the crib, but this was the first attempt with our night-time routine. The first night she was wonderful and did a four-hour stretch before waking to nurse. She went right back down for another four! The muggy conditions and hot temps last week made it hard for her to stay sleeping comfortably for long stretches, so we have been balancing nursery and in our room—where there is an A/C unit. We have a pretty good routine at night and she does really well with that. Daytime naps are still sporadic, but just recently have been getting much longer! In the past, she would nap up to several times a day, averaging 15-30 minutes—some shorter! This past week we have enjoyed a few 2-hour naps and most are at least an hour.

Other graduations this past month include:

Bigger diapers. We finally had to move to the next tabs on her diaper shells to increase their size. We use adjustable cloth diapers by Best Bottom and bumGenius brands. A great investment as they grow with her.
Introducing solids. A couple of months ago, we dabbled with adding organic cereal to her milk to provide more calories, but now she is a big girl. We typically give her a small portion of organic rice cereal once per day and she is getting pretty good at eating from a spoon, though some attempts are messier than others. She also has banana on occasion. Of course, when she is with Papa, she gets introduced to much more! Tisk, tisk, Papa! He has shared yogurt, ice cream, whipped cream, and key lime pie with her (and this is just what I know about!). Everything a growing girl needs, right? I always thought we would wait until she was six months old before we initiated solids, but she is advancing pretty well, doubled her birth weight, and seems to need more calories than breastfeeding alone during the day when I am working or when others are watching her and I am unable to feed on demand. Breastfeeding is still her primary source of food and that continues to go well. Next month I do intend to introduce avocado and sweet potato–foods that are good for growing baby bodies and minds!
New wardrobe. Our dear nanny helped me tremendously by purging all the newborn to 3-month clothing that filled Connie’s dresser. Those were replaced with the “next box” in her wardrobe. The drawers are now filled with 6-9 month clothing and a few 3-month options that prove to still fit.
Other interests. She gets distracted during feedings sometimes. She’ll want to look at the computer screen, the dog, turn toward daddy, or just pop off the boob to get a closer look at me. Innocent enough but she often forgets to let go before turning her head!

Eyes: I’ll call them hazel this month. The color is still not clear but they are cool.

Hair: Getting a bit longer and staying brunette

Weight: 16 lbs

Length: 26″ ….so, she shrunk three-quarters of an inch in the past month?!? Probably not. My guess is the tissue paper that covers the patient table got crinkled up under her and caused a misreading during last month’s check-up. This morning I stretched her out on the butcher block island top to get this month’s reading. She’s still a long one, with or without that 0.75″!

Yesterday, Cody and I celebrated our 1-year anniversary. A low-key day which included taking Miss Connie’s 5-month photos, watching the Packer game (thus the Packer’s cheerleading outfit which is a tad too big on her yet), a trip to Oakwood Fruit Farm, and a hike up the hill to reflect on our wedding day.

Fair Fun

September 12, 2015 / BearVale / Leave a comment

Cody and I started an annual tradition of taking the Schlutervixens to the Richland County Fair a few years back and we look forward to our evening with them each year. We had a bonus kiddo this year–B-Man Bryce joined in the fun, and after already attending the night before, he had the inside scoop on all the good games! Grandma Cathy also joined us which was a welcome help! As they get older—and too cool for us—this tradition my die off, but for now, it’s going strong. Last year Miss Connie was but a tiny embryo. This year she was in awe of the lights and action and noise. She seemed to really enjoy it all. After the 9 o’clock hour, she began to get into her night-time fuss. We got back home and settled in by 10:30 pm and even though she was exhausted, it took an hour to fall asleep after all the stimulation. Once down, she slept till 5:30 am, woke to nurse and then back to sleep until 8 am. An appreciated night’s rest for mama!

First Summer with an Infant

September 10, 2015September 10, 2015 / BearVale / Leave a comment

This certainly was not my typical summer. Modifications were made, priorities shifted, and activities were limited—the result of having an infant.

I only managed to get to the lake a few times and this is the first summer since I was 7 that I wasn’t on water skis. Just typing that is sad—I love to waterski. A mid-week personal day away from work to kayak with my mama never happened either.

My garden suffered. A mix of the season and my new circumstance no doubt. All of the vine plants were destroyed by a very unattractive garden beetle of sorts. No squash or melons this year. The eggplant never created fruit. Of the 10 bell pepper plants, only one produced. The tomatoes look good, if they would just turn red. While I won a couple battles, the weeds won the war.

I am not sporting my usual deep-set tan. Time in the direct sun was limited.

It was more difficult to embrace the heat. I am a lover of summer, but we had some hot days. If I did not nurse, I likely wouldn’t have noticed too much. Breastfeeding on those days proved to show me that all areas of the body are capable of sweat. Our combined heat could have sparked a wild fire! I’d put receiving blankets between us to absorb the moisture, sit in front of a fan, and watch the beads of sweat appear on her little head. She never seemed to mind.

In all that I gave up this summer, I gained bounties more. I woke to a smiling face every morning, had a sidekick for every hike, inhaled the sweet smell of a newborn, served as her hero, watched my very own creation grow before my eyes, shared conversation that only a mama and her babe can decipher, and experienced love and awe that is immeasurable and unexplainable. And I got to share this amazing little soul with our family and friends and watch that they too were smitten by her ways. She is absolutely precious. She owns my heart. I long only for her health and happiness.

I cannot describe the amazing feeling I get when she gazes at me while nursing, when her hand reaches up to touch my face or play with my necklace or hair. How selfish I feel when she is sad and only I can provide comfort. How my heart skips when I walk into the room and she lights up. Or how I hear music when she smiles, giggles, coos, and babbles. Every day I tell myself that Cody is the best thing that ever happened to me, and she is the best thing we have ever done.

We did have a great summer—a summer filled with blessings and the joy that only a child can bring. Though trips to the lake were few, they were quality time with my folks and Connie appears to love the water as much as I do. Family visits were plentiful and our babe has had so many experiences in her short life.

God, thank you for her. Thank you for this summer and the many to come.

August 2015 Photo Dump

September 1, 2015September 1, 2015 / BearVale / Leave a comment

It was a busy and exciting month for Miss Connie. She turned 4 months old this month. Aunt DeDe and the girls came back for a visit, we had gatherings with family and friends, there were many hikes through the fields, and she was separated from her Mama for the first time. This meant quality time with daddy, Grandma and Papa Lettman, and the Ferguson’s. Work took me to Chicago for a few days and it was hard to be away from her. She was resilient!

She really began noticing the dogs this month and taking to them.

Separation

August 27, 2015August 28, 2015 / BearVale / 1 Comment

19 weeks from the day I birthed my daughter into this world, I had to be separated from her. Duty called and I was needed in Chicago for work. I would be away from her for three nights. The good news is it was just to Chicago which meant I was close to home considering I’m typically jumping time zones when on the road. It also meant no additional days needed to be padded for flying. And big bonus, Rachel would be there too and we could drive down together.

I was dreading the week leading up to the trip. Not for the work aspect, that would be great. But being away from my sweet girl, whom I felt relied so heavily on me, riddled me with guilt. The day before and of my departure I spent time thawing breast milk and packing bags with clothes and diapers and the needs of a 4 month old.

I rolled out on Tuesday evening with tears in my eyes. Once I got here I thought of her every other moment and worried for her and the caregivers. Would she be fussy without me? Would she sleep well? Would they be able to soothe her? Could she possibly understand and forgive me, or would she forget me?

Tuesday night, it was her and daddy. She went down around 9:30 pm, woke at 2:30 am ish. It took Cody about 40 minutes to feed her and put her back down. She was still sleeping after he left for work that morning! Night one was a success. Wednesday morning welcomed her nanny who reported that she took a two-hour nap in the morning and a one hour nap in the afternoon and played contently between. ….so far so good. Wednesday afternoon my folks picked her up for an overnight with them. I know they were pretty excited to have her all to themselves. But how would she do away from home? Amazingly. She went down for bed at 9:30 pm. She fussed around 2:30 am. Mom went to make a bottle and when she returned, baby girl was back asleep and stayed that way until 5:30 am. She again took a long morning nap and was sweet, talkative, playful and content all day. Tonight (Thursday) she returned home to her daddy who again, put her down at 9:30 pm without issue. Wow.

It is bittersweet. I am relieved that she did so well, that her caregivers were not challenged to soothe her in my absence, and that she bonded and found comfort with those that love her (almost) as much as I do. On the other hand…. did she have to do so well without me!? She is a blessing and a really good baby. I thought some of that might be her confidence with her primary caregiver–me–but she is simply calm and happy, genuinely. And that makes me one very proud mama.

I am so thankful for the updates and photos taken and shared with me to keep me going. As everyone said, “it will be harder on you than on her, ” and it appears so. I have missed her and longed to hold her close and witness that gummy smiled first-hand.

I am also thankful for Rachel. She kept me distracted. Without her, I may have holed up in my hotel room and cried my time away. Instead, we ventured around the city, took photos, jogged, saw the sights, and some how she even managed to get me on the Navy Pier ferris wheel. I’m not a fan of heights so that was a small feat on her part.

The event that brought us here this week has been successful, and while the time has not “flown” by, it hasn’t dragged on at a snail’s pace either. Tomorrow I return to the loving arms of my husband, fall in love all over with my daughter when she smiles at me, and will be greeted by three very excited pups who probably missed me the most. Life is grand.

One more day. Tomorrow, Miss Connie will be shuffled to yet another caregiver, and I am sure the trend of contentment and happiness will continue. Rachel and I will attemp to beat the traffic out of Chicago and will not be able to get home soon enough. I can’t wait to hold you, my little one!

Here’s to continued success, loving family, and safe travels!

I captured this Tuesday morning, the day I was leaving. Her tiny pinky finger held by her other hand…it was so precious.

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Enjoying time with Grandma and Papa

Sent to me by her nanny, here she is styling on Wednesday.

Photo credit: Rachel

4 Months

August 13, 2015August 16, 2015 / BearVale / Leave a comment

The thermostat in the house reads 90 degrees. No A/C. 🙂 So since it’s hot and while she can still get away with it, we went topless for these images. Denim skirt compliments of Auntie Angee and headband from Great Aunt Amy and Great Uncle Tom.

Since early on, people have said she looks like Cody. While I don’t see Cody specifically when I look at her, I have noticed over the past month all the things that are his. She has his eyebrows, his hairline, his large eyes, his mouth, his calm demeanor. I have even found myself pondering her personality traits and how they mimic her father’s. So while I don’t see Cody when I look at her—I see all he has passed to her, his features, but in the version of a tiny, beautiful baby girl. Probably sounds funny/strange. 🙂

I am still taking credit for the chin and ears…and maybe the hair, but time will tell on that one.

Gus and Nora wanted to be included and close to Baby Connie, so they made a cameo this month.

1/3 of a year has passed! Month Four:

Weight: 14.9 pounds (67th percentile)
Height: 26.75″ (100th percentile) …is it too soon to notify colleges?!
Eyes: What color do you call that? Grey? Hazel? Still trying to figure them out. They are unique and gorgeous.
Hair: Still a Brunette, mostly. Hues of blond and red seem to appear depending on the light. I think it is getting lighter in general…the back remains dark. Her eyebrows are dark so I am hopeful that helps to keep her head of hair dark too!
Discoveries/Milestones/Changes:
- Many babies lose some of their hair. She has maintained most of her’s with the exception of some loss on the sides (she’s a side and tummy sleeper). Should make for a great mullet as the top and back continue to grow.
- Getting better with her hands. She can grab items and pull them to her mouth.
- A champion roller from back to tummy, even to the left now.
- To daddy’s delight, seems to be more dominant with her left hand.
- She has this sweet thing she does with me. When my face is close to hers, she holds it with her hands, gentle, and gazes at me. Sometimes she will babble while she does it. Melts my heart.
- She giggles when tickled and during play at times.
- Continues to find her voice and chatters often—it’s the sweetest sound!
Eats: Continues to nurse well and often. We started supplementing with organic formula when needed (sometimes I feel like I can’t keep up) and have introduced some solids (very miniscule amounts) via organic baby cereal added to the bottle and mashed banana.
Sleeps: A bottle before bed has helped her get back into sleeping for longer periods. Typically she goes down around 9:30 p.m. and sleeps until 3:30 a.m. and back up around 5 a.m. She goes right back down after nursing each time. Naps during the day are short, usually 10-30 minutes and back up. occasionally she’ll nap for an hour.
She smiles often and for everyone. She a pretty happy and content baby girl. Unless it’s between 7 and 10 pm, then she only wants Mama—and I’m good with that! :

RIP Uncle Buddy

August 11, 2015 / BearVale / 4 Comments

It was a beautiful day today. Though filled with sorrow of your loss and the frustration of losing you at just 62 years of age, it was a truly beautiful day. The sun smiled on us all–the so many who gathered to say goodbye. There was a slight breeze which was greatly appreciated by those of us wearing black. And the sky was scattered with big white puffy clouds. Those clouds reminded me of my wedding day, as we had the same beautiful sky that day. I was grateful to have you with us for that special event. While you must have been tired and weak, you made the trip to the top of the hill to be with us. I knew you wouldn’t miss it and I was so honored to have you there with your family.

Life is funny sometimes. As I reflect on your life as I know it through my own, there are big gaps and lost years. But no matter how much time passed, seeing you after years, was like seeing you only yesterday. You were always familiar, always inviting, always family.

Cody asked me years ago how it was that I was related to the Reno family. “Uncle Buddy” would seem to convey relation. Though we did not share blood, you were always family to our family. You were dad’s dearest friend and growing up with your visits, you were always referred to as Uncle Buddy by dad. I think it was probably some time before I realized myself you weren’t an uncle by relation. But you were always family. I understand it now, now that I have a child of my own. When you hold someone dear to you, you bestow that affection and privilege to those you love. Miss Connie has an Aunt Angee and an Aunt Laura. Not her blood aunts, but women so dear to me they deserve the title with my daughter. That is how it was for mom and dad with you. That is how they shared you with us.

There were some real tear-jerker moments today. Pastor Peach, as always, was stoic and flawless. The military service was professional and genuine. Mama got up to share memories about you–and she did good! I was so proud of her. You deserved to be honored and have stories shared and good words spoken about you. I am sure most struggled to keep it together long enough to put a coherent sentence together. She spoke for us all. “…he was a great man….he was a friend….someone you could call when you needed rescued….he was Santa!” She was great.

You are at rest without pain or worry. It’s those you leave behind that bear the burden of hurt. My heart aches for Tammie and the kids and those you shared your days with. They will miss you terribly and think of you often.

As for me, I walked away from today’s services feeling so glad that mom and dad shared you with us. That you were family when you didn’t have to be. As with any loss, I regret the times we missed, the years that pass too quickly. But I am so grateful for the memories and events we did have. Cancer is a horrible thing, but it gives us the opportunity to get those visits in, to say what we need to say. Introducing my daughter to you was special for me. One day, I’ll tell her about you, her Great Uncle Buddy. God bless you.

62nd birthday celebration, June 2015

July Photo Dump

August 6, 2015August 6, 2015 / BearVale / Leave a comment

A busy and fun month. Our little girl is getting out and about and gaining new experiences all while growing far too quickly. This past month she seemed to develop overnight. She is “talking” with frequency and replies to songs and words. She rolls from back to tummy with ease and has even rolled from tummy to back a few times. She pushes the buttons on her walker and started grabbing items. She is still working to master the full roll, figure out the tremendous capabilities that her hands will one day realize, and rolling to the left is not as preferred as the right, but in all that she does, she amazes us.

We shared posts from the 4th of July, her first boat ride, our trip to San Diego—here is what the rest of July looked like. Morning smiles, hikes, and visits with family.